Phenomenal Women Out There?

Having two beautiful daughters, my hope is convince them of their beauty and have it not be defined by society. I've struggled with self-esteem and I'm on a new path to keep my thoughts healthy as well as my body.

...If I run, I run not to make the numbers on the scale go down

...If I run, I run for energy to play with my kids and grand kids and even my great-grand kids

...If I run, I run to keep my body healthy so I don't fall into that breast cancer that has so sneakily burned through so many of the strong females in my family's history

...I eat healthy, yes, but don't get it twisted -- I'll top my salad with a heap o sweet pork and take some fries with that shake just so I don't lose my sanity.

Just as we've been learning this past general conference:

Just because we live IN the world,

doesn't mean we should live OF the world.

One of my fave poems from one of my fave poets reminds me that it don't matter if your thin, it don't matter if your tan, or if you got big boobs....that don't make you a woman any more than the others...It's how you carry yourself...with confidence...confidence knowing your a woman, and a phenomenal one at that.

PHENOMENAL WOMAN

by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

keep It real yall...

signed,

a Phenomenal Woman

Thoughts Lately...

I've always heard how your life flashes before your eyes just before your life ends and...that's the only way that I can explain how I've been feeling the past month. Not meaning, of course, that my life is LITERALLY ending, but my life here in America will be ending. America to me was "My Family" and it took me a while to realize that just because this chapter of my life means letting go of "America"...it doesn't mean that I'm letting go of my family.

I couldn't place my finger on what exactly it was that I was feeling for a few weeks now. At first I thought that I was just going to miss my brothers and sisters too much, but I knew that wasn't it....it was something else, something more.

GUILT

I will be the first to admit that I was incredibly horrible to my mother, especially as a teen. We fought constantly...verbally, yes, but mostly physically. There are those who only casually know my mom and think she's so cute and sweet...then there are those who have spent a little time in our home and think she's and angry witch....then there are those who really know my mom.

My mom has been through so much in her past. I've only heard bits and pieces from my dad and from others who knew my mom before she was married, but even from the very little information that I possess,I know that she's been through more hurt and pain than I could ever imagine. It took me being a wife and a mother to truly understand what my mom was so desperately trying to teach me my whole life. It took me being a wife and a mother to truly be grateful for all that she did for me and my siblings. At times I feel drained of ALL my energy with my two young girls...and my heart aches for my mother who did it all with 3 young girls keeping us and the house spotless and reading us books (no matter how fobbed out she was), finding a job at our school so she could earn her own money while keeping an eye on us...and all without any help from my dad or anyone else. Her mom wasn't around to help her the way she helped me with my new born when I desperately needed it.

I looked at the way that I treated my mom and I saw how my sisters started following in my example. After I got married and returned back home, I saw my sisters talking back to my mom, making fun of her with their friends, treating her just as bad as I had. I would try to talk to my sisters to help them understand that although our mom is difficult at times, we need to understand where she is coming from and what she's trying to teach us. My younger sister, Brittny, has trouble at times coping with my mom and it hurts me. I feel like Tookie Williams (or whatever his name was...the guy who started the crips), and I felt like I was the one who started all this negativity by leading a bad example and now I'm constantly trying to right my wrongs.

My mom always took great care of me and my sisters and brothers, but she was a is still bitter about all that happened in her past, which makes her extremely difficult to deal with at times. I never had the mom that I could sit down with and share my problems as she fed me with her priceless words of wisdom, I never had the mom that told me how beautiful I was, or who comforted me when I didn't win a game, or a mom who was excited when I got married, or excited when I was pregnant. There were times in my life where I needed that comfort so much, and there wasn't anyone else in the world who could give it.

This is where I feel guilty because although I am no replacement for my mom, I want to be here for my brothers and sisters to willingly offer them some...i guess...maternal comfort and advice when they need it. They should know that I'm here to listen and help them along with life's obstacles and I won't ever judge their decisions but rather support them.

I know now that, just moving to Australia and away from America doesn't mean that all of this comes to an end.

America doesn't equal Family. Family equals Family.

and I will always be there for my family, not physically though. :)